To My Brothers:

To my brothers struggling with lust and addiction to porn:

I am not writing this to condemn but to encourage, so I ask you to read this to the end.

I was sexually abused as a child. (This message is not about me, so I will only talk about this as much as our Father leads.) It impacted me on an excruciating level emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. The weight of it was unbearable. For a long while after this started, I was consumed by an overwhelming bitterness and distrust towards men.

I am sure that those who abused me had little intention in abusing a child at first. No one wakes up one random day and decides to become sexually abusive. I know for certain that it began with porn for one abuser. Just porn. Slowly porn could no longer suffice for him. It evolved to him cheating on his wife. Then he wanted more extreme encounters. Eventually he turned to a little girl who loved playing soccer and holding puppies and knew nothing about sex. I doubt he stood at the end of the wedding aisle planning to someday rape a child. But without Jesus, we are immune to nothing – and so the pornography slowly disfigured his thoughts and views on what was acceptable. Without Jesus, I could have killed my abuser. Perhaps I could have even ended up abusing children myself. I’m not saying that all sexual sin leads to child abuse or rape or even adultery, but sexual sin is never without a horrible price.

 The good news is, Jesus delivered me. He has freed me completely of shame and guilt. I have so much joy, and I know He will use what has happened to me for His glory. This past year, He has patiently, fiercely, and gently taught me forgiveness. He has broken the yoke of distrust and bitterness off. I do not hate those addicted to porn. I know men are not mindless animals, because I have brothers in Jesus who show me what a man of God looks like. I have been on my face weeping before the Lord, begging him to rescue my abusers. I cannot imagine the brokenness and confinement in their souls. I hurt for them. I love them. This is only by His power.

            He has shown me His heart of grace and forgiveness, and I want you to know what He showed me. There is no sin which could keep us from Him. 

You are not an animal. 

You are not dirty. 

You are not helpless. 

He sees your heart - He sees you longing for purity. Cry out to Him for rescue, and He will come. Brothers, I know the enemy took advantage of your innocence as well when you first saw porn as a boy or when you were first introduced to the world of lust. I’m so sorry this temptation is continually being thrust at you. I want you to know there are women who so genuinely value and appreciate your determination to be free of this. I want you to know I am in this with you, warring in prayer for you. I want you to know that if you stumble, I will still be here to support you.

            The thoughts that seem to invade your mind and fill you with shame hold nothing when compared to the cross. The confusing urges which seem so unholy yet natural at the same time are nothing compared to the power of His Spirit. Only perfect Jesus, who hung on that tree, bearing all the sin of the world and the wrath of God, paid a high enough price to declare our worth. He says nothing can separate. We do not have a right to say anyone is too far gone because His sacrifice was too tragic, too loving, and too deep for any sin to change that.  You do not have a right to say you are too far gone because of His love. You cannot look at our loving, bleeding Savior and say “it’s not enough for me.” He is our Judge and Advocate - He is not an accuser. He is filled with anger towards the enemy for this attempt to hold you captive. He fights for you. He battles for your freedom.

And He has won.

Don’t hide it in the dark because of shame. He is bigger. Trust your brothers and sisters to have the grace and love Jesus extends. Whatever the extent of the struggle, grace abounds. I don’t care what you have done or thought or looked at. I love you. I pray for your freedom and joy. From His fullness we receive grace upon grace.  (John 1:16)  In the Light - and only in the Light - there is freedom, forgiveness, and grace.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXVXOgVxLc0   “We are not chained to the secrets we've made… We can’t afford not to cry out.”

While I am writing this primarily to men because it is an issue I know that many, many men struggle with, I also want to acknowledge that women struggle with this as well. I want my sisters to know that this is for them too and that there is always help. 

With so much love,

Your sister